The Catbird Seat

The Benefits of Being a Birder

by Pete Dunne

1. You never have to spend money on clothes. Probably nothing you own is so tasteless or threadbare that it would not constitute acceptable birding attire.

2. When you visit your in-laws whose television is fused to the Golf Channel, you can sit with your father-in-law and feign interest in the game while amusing yourself by keeping a mental list of all the birds heard in the background.

3. If the New York Times crossword puzzle asks for a seven-letter word beginning with T that is the name for the innermost flight feathers of a bird’s wing, you’ll know the answer.

4. When you get stuck in a rush-hour traffic jam and need to know which lane is blocked, you can reach under your seat for your binoculars and determine which lane you should be in way ahead of the competition.

5. You get to visit Arizona in July (after all the snowbirds have left), when hotels and RV parks are offering discounts.

6. You’ll never have to decide between two favorite old movies on late-night television.

7. When you retire, your colleagues will know that what you really want is new binoculars, not a watch.

8. You never have to buy gifts for anyone for the holidays. All you have to do is save all the bird-related junk you get one season and give it away the next. (Hint: when you put the gifts in the closet, leave the wrapping on the gifts and don’t remove the name of the giver so you don’t commit the social boo-boo of sending it back to the person who gave it to you.)

9. You know why the cardinal (or robin or mockingbird) is throwing itself against your window, so you don’t have to call a nature center to solve the mystery.

Illustration by Jeff Sipple

10. You know the names of all the meteorologists on the Weather Channel and can amaze your nonbirding friends (if you have any) with the scope of your intimacy.

11. If you go to a garage sale and find a 1934 Peterson field guide, you won’t balk at the 50-cent price tag.

12. You have the perfect excuse to say no when your neighbor’s cat has kittens and you are invited to take first choice.

13. When you’re at a football game and an attractive fan sits beside you with a new pair of binoculars, you can break the ice by showing the person how to use the eyepiece adjustment to calibrate the instrument for his or her eyes.

14. The prospect of a category-three hurricane striking just west of your coastal town is cause for anticipation instead of anxiety.

15. When your great aunt dies and you have to choose between the Wedgwood or a sketch by some guy name Fuertes, you will make the right choice.

16. When it’s 10:00 A.M. and you are westbound on I-10 just outside Baton Rouge, Louisiana, you’ll know not to stop just anywhere for lunch, because you’re within range of a bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo at Al T’s in Winnie, Texas.

17. When your nonbirding spouse suggests taking a vacation in Cancun, you can go online and get reservations for (and nonrefundable airline tickets to) Chan Chich, explaining later that you must have been confused.

18. When a cold front hits in late October, you’ll be at a hawk watch, blissfully unmindful of all the leaves in the yard that the northwest wind is relocating to your neighbor’s yard.

19. A season ticket to all the national wildlife refuges in the United States (a.k.a. Duck Stamp) is only a fraction of the cost of a season ticket for football.

20. You never have to worry about losing a ball. You never have to cut bait (unless you go pelagic birding). And the only person ever keeping score is you.

For permission to reprint all or part of this article, please contact Tim Gallagher, editor, Cornell Lab of Ornithology, 159 Sapsucker Woods Rd., Ithaca, NY, 14850. Phone: (607) 254-2443. email: twg3@cornell.edu